Human Nature...

Just the other day when I was having a chat with my daughter’s therapist about the pressures & stress that mother’s have to deal with, when I came to know some of shocking facts which I thought till now was seen & hear only in TV & novels…

She told me about a mother who committed suicide last year with her Autistic child only because her husband told to abandon that special child & look after the other 2 normal kids they had….He put so much pressure that she unable to bear it committed suicide with that special child as she knew that anyone will look after her other 2 normal kids but not this child…

A doctor who has given birth to an autistic child was left by her husband because she gave birth to a child who is not normal….

          I also remember 1 mother who was assured by her husband & in laws that they would take care of 1^st born who was a special child, until the 2^nd child is born…that mother trusted them & went ahead … but until 2^nd child was born & mother was fit to continue with the child’s therapy, the child’s therapy & treatment was discontinued.

There are many instances where in I have heard people telling mothers of special child to abandon them leave them & go for another child…. There are many fathers who have left their wives & special kids because they wanted a normal child & not a “damaged/abnormal” one…

Why???? Aren’t those kids also humans??? Don’t they have the right to live??? Don’t they have the right for their parents love & support??? Is it their fault or their mother’s fault that they are not like other normal kids????

Why do humans behave like this??? Even an animal who can't talk will wait by its offspring if the child is injured or hurt….then why do humans expect us to abandon out offspring’s if they are not normal???

Why is it that always a mother is blamed for all that goes wrong & a father is praised for all that goes right??? Whereas it's the mother who sacrifices all her wishes, life, career for her child & family…

When will we people change our attitude towards these special kids & their mothers????

          Also I would like to ask God, people say “children are God’s Gift”…..if this is true why does he not give all normal gifts….why the special gifts??? Which makes the receiver suffer life long????

I know people who’ll read this may feel what a person I am…but these are what we parents especially mothers of special kids go through…

What we suffer, what we experience is far more different from what we show or tell…….

Who is to blame???

Last year on same day 1 incident changed our life…..

While crossing road to catch an auto to take my daughter school, I was standing on the divider waiting for the vehicles to pass. As soon as the vehicles cleared I put my leg to cross, something hit hard on my leg & I blackout… after a few sec I realised that I had fallen on road & Prerna was not in my hands. Usually I carry her with my left hand, but she had fallen on my right side & she was crying loudly…

With crowd gathering, I could hear a biker pleading “I my sorry, I had been to ATM, have to go to hospital”. By the time anyone could catch him he sped away...

All I was worried about my daughter who was crying, lying on hot road (it happened at around 2 in afternoon)…

I picked her up; luckily people helped me pick up my bag, umbrella & purse & also my daughter who was howling badly out of fear…

Since her therapy clinic was nearby I somehow managed to go there…. Luckily she was not hurt…

I thanked God… (Later I realised I thanked God a bit early)

Though I was hurt badly & my hubby being a cameraman was busy with IPL at that time somehow I reached home…

Next day morning at 5 I woke up with a strange sound on switching on lights I realised my daughter was getting convulsions (fits)…

Prerna who being a special child didn’t have the fits problem until then…I went in to shock… I felt totally helpless…

What followed then was hospital, doctor follow ups, increase of medicines etc…list is endless….

BUT MY QUESTION IS WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THIS?????

The biker who was on wrong side & came on full speed with out honking, or me who was looking at right side of traffic & not the other way while crossing….

Even now I am not able to sleep peacefully at night in the worry that has she got a fit???

Who is to be held responsible for all this tension & worry??

A single fit can cause lots of problem for a special child. It makes the child go few months or years back… Who is responsible for it??? It was a plus point for me & my family that Prerna was not getting fits till now… but that 1 incident turned that plus point of our life into the most negative point of our life…

My friend’s husband told me “I India while crossing we must look on both sides & then cross…this is India.”

Though he jokingly said it I followed it seriously… whenever Prerna is with me I fear crossing the road…who is the cause of this fear???

So many road accidents occur here, so many lives are lost here due to mistakes of the drivers….sometimes the sole earning member is lost, some handicapped for life so on & so forth…. One mistake of the driver but punishment for those who are hit or killed!!!

But who is to be blamed…one who drives or the ones who happen to come unfortunately in their ways??? Does the driver ever realise the aftermath of his mistake???

Who is to going to answer this question???? When will people learn to drive with responsibility?

Responsibility towards people walking on the road, responsibility towards their family…..WHEN?

Yet another disappointment after hope…..

Today again had to go thru disappointment …

Last week on suggestion & recommendation of my daughter’s therapist I visited a school here for my daughter’s admission…The principal was very supportive as she already has few special kids in her playgroup. She told we would surely take Prerna & that would help in her development….

So today I went to complete the admission procedure…

On arrival she told sorry they can’t take Prerna as her staff is not ready to take the risk & responsibility of handling another special child…

As it is a difficult task of handling special kids with normal ones they refused…

How many more rejection are we parents going to face for our kids????

Agreed our kids won't have a normal life but can't they get admission in a normal school?????

How many more rejection are these kids going to face???? Rejection from society, rejection from school, rejection everywhere???

What do we parents want??? All we want the child to be independent, so that later in their life they are capable of looking after themselves…but if they are going to face rejection everywhere what can we hope???

Competitive world…..

Today the world has become so much competitive that even kids are not spared…..They are pushed into this competition since they are  born…

Parents compare their kids with others who are around …for e.g. my kids started walking at age of 1 year whereas so & so’s child started walking at 10 months so on & so forth…

In nursery where my daughter used  to go I have seen mothers comparing their kids answer sheets & report card with that of other kids in class especially with those who have scored more than their own kids!!!!

Why have we become so competitive that we push the kids to edge?????

No wonder student suicides are more during exams period & after results are declared….

Have they ever given a thought what the child wants???? now-a-days the kids rarely find time for themselves…school work, project, tuitions, extra curricular activities…where do they have time for playing with other kids…all they know is study ,study & more study…school, tuitions & classes…..

As if they are not kids but some machine whose parents want them to excel in all & show to the world yes that brilliant child (read as trophy) is ours…

But have they ever thought what does the parent of special kids think??? For whom 1 word spoken by the child or 1 step taken without any help or support, doing their daily chore without any help is such a big achievement for them…

The main problem with parents is comparison….They always keep comparing their kids with others & make their child realize that they want them to be like the other…the other child can be either a sibling or neighbour’s child or of any acquaintance. Why do parents always have to compare with others??? Why are they never satisfied with what their kids are?? Why do they always want their kids to achieve what they couldn’t??

WHY???WHY???

Today a 11 yr old girl committed suicide just because her mother read her dairy in which she had written about a  boy who happened to be her classmate...

The main reason for suicides now-a-days in mainly due to communication gap...

Each member in a family has their own timetable..No one having having time for others....

When I was small every night while having dinner we used to discuss how our day passed ...Our parents used to tell about theirs in office & we of our school & college...Our parents used to advice us if we faced some difficulty...This continued till I got married..

I remember when i was giving my 10th board exam I came home crying as my paper didn't go well...My dad said forget about today's paper..prepare well for tomorrow..as u cant change today but you can change your tomorrow....Isn't it true???

Suicide is not the solution for any problem...Discussing with your family member or with friend can find solution for the problem...

School hunting

All say special kids have the right to go to a normal school.....but do the educational institutions be it a big well known school or a small playgroup follow this rule???? They frankly say on  the face of parents that they cant take abnormal kids as they require full attention which we cant provide..also other normal kids will get affected..they give reasons like oh cant walk/talk then whats the use of taking them in school?? if they could walk/talk we'll take them..why don't you send them to special school situated at so & so place???

When is the mentality of people in India going to change regarding special kids???
All special kids are not mentally retarded..
All they need is little love, care & attention & not sympathy...
when will people stop treating them as abnormal , mentally retarded & outcasts????

WHEN??