People say matches are made in heaven… Is it so? Then why
do some people feel miserable in their relations? Why do people have
affairs? Why do married couples go for divorce due to lack of compatibility? Why
do some say I will never marry again in my life or never again will I marry the
same person?
There has always been a debate which option is good: Love
marriage or arranged marriage. Both have their own advantages and
disadvantages.
First let’s deal with arranged marriage. In arranged
marriage, it's not bonding of two people but of two families. They search for
ideal match. Then their horoscopes are matched. If they match perfectly then
only they go ahead or else they search for another match. They check the
background of each other’s families, the boy’s and girl’s character etc etc…
they consult their family deities, astrologers for a perfect date and time to
get married and after so much of consulting and spending lakhs and crores of
money they get married.
Initially everyone hits the roadblock… every relation does…
some try to solve it, some choose to ignore it, some choose to fight it. Not
every marriage has a happy ending.
Next let’s deal with love marriage. Two people meet, get to
know each other, start liking each other, fall in love and decide to get
married. There too they hit blocks in terms of family rejection and pressure
etc. If all goes well they go ahead and get married, if no, they try to
convince, plead, cry, fight and even if they don’t agree some go ahead and get
married inspite of family opposition. Initially they too face teething
problems. But then, some make their marriage work and some fall apart.
Some might think why I chose this topic to write. Well, since
a couple of days newspapers are bringing out news about celebrity couples who
are heading for divorce. Some of them were in relationships since childhood
(childhood sweethearts or romance as the tabloid says), some married since few
to couple of years…
When people fall in love they think they have found the
perfect match for themselves. They get together. But after a few years why do
they feel they are not made for each other? People who say they can't live
without each other, why they can't live with each other after some matter of
time?Why do people who loved each other say, this life time is enough, never
meet me in another life?
I don’t say all marriages end up in this manner… but
now-a-days whoever I have been meeting, are facing some or other issues… ya ya
you’ll say I am definitely meeting all kind of wrong people… But frankly ask
yourself “Am I happy in my Marriage?” What’s the use of so much of match
making, horoscopes, astrologers and auspicious time and all the crap? What’s
the use of spending lakhs of rupees on a wedding which sometimes doesn’t last
long?
So much of money is spent, so much of time and energy is
wasted, result, the couple after few years say they are not compatible and
choose to go on separate ways.
Not all marriages end in this manner. I have also seen many
marriages last for a lifetime. There are many couples who inspite of severe
highs and lows of martial life have stayed together and made their marriage
work. But they never let outside world know about their dispute.
And when these people who are already fed up of their lives,
do manage to find love outside, they are termed as extra martial affair and
these people are cursed, abused, called as house breakers…
Marriage doesn’t mean sacrifice or adjustment of any one
person. Both need to keep aside their egos and adjust. No one is born perfect.
Not all choose to get separate or walk out of a marriage.
Some stay because of society, some due to kids and family, some due to financial
dependency and some, who think it's their fate (Indian culture). If anyone
tries to make a move then, there is mud flinging, calling of names, bitching
and God knows what all… but why can't anyone understand if a couple is
miserable and they want to move ahead why can't they do so on good terms? It's their life… why do they have to be miserable for their whole life. Why do
they have to set bad examples for their kids by fighting in front of them and
being miserable?
Initially when a couple hits a rough patch, elders say
“Have a baby, everything will settle down”. Bringing a baby doesn’t always
solve the problem, it sometimes aggravates it.
People treat marriage like a cycle. As soon as kids come to
age, people ask “Searching for match?”, “Still not found a match for your son/daughter?”,
“When is the wedding?”…
After one year of wedding, they ask “When are you giving us
good news?”, “When is the baby due?” Again after 2-3 years “When is elder one
getting a sibling?”… Then peace, till these kids grow up then again the cycle
continues…
People treat marriage as a means to just carry their
lineage forward. Sometimes before the girl realizes anything, she is married
off to a stranger and told to bear his kids and carry on whole responsibility of
the household.
Somewhere had read this true quote “Whole life we are told
not to talk to strangers, but after marriage we are told to sleep with one…”
In present times, where life is short and unpredictable,
let’s enjoy life with people we love, we care for. Once married, leave the
couple alone, don’t pressurize them with when to have kids, how to behave with
each other, etc… they are grownups that’s why you got them married, then why
not leave them alone to lead their life. Why keep dominating them, manipulating
them? You lived your life, let them live theirs. Don’t treat marriage as a means
to bring in kids; it's a lifetime decision for two people to spend life
together.
I know, many of them who will read this many not agree with
it, but this is my point of view. Not every marriage is perfect. Take for
example Hrithik and Suzzanne Roshan. Everybody said they are perfect couple. And
now see, they are separated. Couples don’t wash their dirty linen in public. But
then it doesn’t mean that they are perfect, not-fighting-having-no-trouble
couple.
